AHHH, the joys of stand up comedy

So, I am 2 months into the game. The open mic scene is a trip. Apparently,I have inspired some others I know to give it a try-which is great-although I do have some competitive instincts.
I am working on my act at Club Bart since I don't have either the guts or the chops (yet) to do it at Mark Ridley's- I work there- don't want to F it up. Also I don't have a car to drive to far away open mics- I'm working on it- okay?
Wish me luck cyber space.
I am funny and pretty and bitter and angry.
What else does it take, you ask?
A big set of brass balls? Well, I have those too.
Stay tuned for me to begin talking about my crazy family.
I'm still processing those thoughts to be consumed by the public.

They think I think I'm better than them, these people?

I don't mean it that way. I really don't. I just can't relate. I can't relate to the driving,the hipster superlatives, the fucking RANCH DRESSING. I"M SORRY. I'm not from here. I'm from New Jersey via NYC. Is that why?
The last time I checked you're supposed to welcome newcomers. Jesus Christ, Detroit. What have I done? I've been here too long to not be even begrudgingly accepted. What happened? Did I fuck you boyfriend? (Maybe.)
I didn't know!
I'm buying a car.
I'll buy American this time, I swear.
What did I do?
I don't hate you, really. The weather maybe, but snow is pretty.
Why do you hate me?